Pie R Squared Act 3 Scene 1

http://www.ilike.com/artist/Calactus/bulletins/682712734

Act 3 Scene 1: Lucifer's Tabac

Joe: do you have any pies?

Lucifer: we have no pies here son,
but if you want some
I can conjure up the pie of your dreams?
You see, all is not as it seems..
For I can offer you anything,
to waste it on a pie, that'd be a shame.
After I grant your wish, you'll never be the same!
You see, I've had a bad press,
and my time is now!
'cause the church is in a mess.
People have despised me over the years,
let me reassure you, acquiesce your fears,
surely you want more than a pie?
Is that your sole purpose purpose in life?

Joe: well..no..I just like pies,
I've tried to quit, believe me, I've tried.

Lucifer: maybe you need something a little stronger?
How about immortality; living longer?
Just sign here on the dotted line,
forget this nonsense about pies!

Joe: why would a shopkeep have a contract?
I thought it was a place to buy fags?
How come the door's locked?
And the shutters have come down?
What the hell's going on here, you mad loon?

Lucifer: as I said..
I can conjure up the pie of your dreams,
you see, all is not as it seems,
just sign here on the dotted line,
forget this nonsense about pies!

Joe: yeah..well..I can see your clearly out of your mind!
I'll be on my way. Gosh! Is that the time?
Unlock this door you complete fruit-bat!

Lucifer: you'll rue the day you said that!
You see you're in Lucifer's tabac.
I'll have your soul you can be sure,
but ask for something before you sign,
then you'll be beholding to me to the end of time.

Joe: er..why have you grown horns?
And your eyes flash fire?
You have a tail now, and a pitchfork,
I think I might get outta here..

Lucifer: now you're getting it!
Satan, it is I,
I can grant your wish.
Is it wealth beyond avarice?
Is it powers beyond your means?
Is it women of your wildest dreams?
Tell me all, and I can fulfill your wish,
just sign here on the dotted line,
forget this nonsense about pies!