Pie R Squared Act 6 Scene 2

Pie R Squared Act 6 Scene 2: Woodland Woman

John Q: so, after giving the Pie Chorus a pie, Joe decides to eat the last one in a woodland in the Trossachs.
Parking himself on a tree stump he puts the pie to his lips..

Woodland Woman: hi.

Joe: mmpf. Hello.

Woodland Woman: what are you doing?

Joe: eating a perfect pie.

Woodland Woman: riight..ok.

Joe: no, wait- I'm not nuts!!

Woodland Woman: right.

Joe: it's..er..it's just my brunch.

Woodland Woman: oh, oh I see.
Have you travelled far?

Joe: yeah, it's kinda of an English, sorta Scottish, road trip.

Woodland Woman: oh I see.
Is that your..?

Joe: yeah the 1.4 litre Vauxhall..sorry..

Woodland Woman: the blue car?

Joe: yes.

Woodland Woman: that matches your T-shirt and Converse All-Stars?

Joe: does it? Do they? Oh yeah.

Woodland Woman: do you want to grab some lunch?

John Q: Joe nearly chokes on his pie>

Joe: yeah.

Woodland Woman: I saw a nice place down the road.

Joe: ok, erm, I'm Joe- not a nutter.

Woodland Woman: I'm Gemma- not a harlot.

(PAUSE)

You've got nice teeth Joe.

Joe: thank you. You have a lovely voice.

Woodland Woman: all my own work.

(IMPROVISATIONAL CONVERSATION THAT FADES)

*

Poetess:

the moral of this tale is to shop around,
even if it is for pies, the most perfect one
is in the least likely of places,
and one should always be prepared
for Love's sweet embraces.